How to Discover Your Sexual Fantasies and Fetishes

You are now aware of what sexual fantasies and fetishes are, but you may now be wondering if you have any personally. Everyone has sexual acts or themes that turn them on, but you must get in touch with this part of yourself in order to find out what your personal ones are.
First, though, we will look at some specific types of sexual fantasies so that you can get an idea of what you are looking to discover. Under the umbrella of sexual fantasies is included the following, among others;

  • Roleplay
    If your sexual fantasy or kink is role play, you likely become aroused when you imagine playing a certain role in the bedroom with your partner like a homeowner, and he is a plumber coming to fix your pipes.
  • ​ Domination and Submission
    If your kink or fetish is domination and submission, you likely become turned on by playing a certain role in bed- either being dominated by your partner or being dominant over them.
  • ​ Specific Sexual Acts
    Your kink could also be related to specific sexual acts. These can include spanking, hair pulling or Piss Play

There are so many things that can be included in these categories and so many more categories of their own. Many categories will overlap and cross over each other. For example, a police and convict role play fantasy could cross over into domination and submission play as well. By getting an idea of what is out there, you can begin to explore what you like the idea of and what you don’t like sexually.
Look Inward
The first part of determining anything about yourself is to look inward and get in touch with your inner thoughts, feelings, and desires. If you are not used to looking inward and examining your feelings, it may take some practice and getting used to before you are able to determine what your fantasies, kinks or fetishes are. In order to get in touch with your feelings and thoughts, set aside some time to get quiet with your own mind.
Start to begin letting yourself fantasize about sex in general and see where this takes you. The main thing here is to let your mind go wherever it goes without trying to control it. By allowing it to drift anywhere and everywhere, you can begin to see what lies hidden in your subconscious mind.

Avoid Self-Judgement

Self-judgement can sometimes creep in when you become sexually aroused by something that is deemed unacceptable in society. When you have a sexual fantasy, it is important to remember that there need not be any shame involved- having a specific sexual fantasy does not mean that you would actually act it out in real life. Because of this, you can put your self-judgments aside and enjoy your fantasy without thinking of yourself as some sort of deviant.


As you are giving yourself a quiet moment to explore your mind and your desires, you may find yourself becoming sexually aroused. This is great, as it means that you have found some things that are sexually exciting to you. As this happens, you can begin to touch yourself if you wish. Masturbation is a healthy part of anybody’s sex life, and there is no shame in this either.
As you begin touching yourself, allow your mind to explore your sexual fantasies, kinks, and fetishes more deeply as you become aroused. By doing this, you will be much more able to let your subconscious take over you. This is where your desires and your deeper wishes are held. Most of the time, these remain in your subconscious unbeknownst to you. It is only when you are able to access this part of your mind that you can become aware of what lies there. By doing this, you allow yourself to unlock a different level of sexual adventure and exploration. This is something that you can then share with your partner, and they can begin to know you on a much deeper level.


By doing a little bit of research, you can figure out what is out there, what is encompassed by these terms, and what you specifically find pleasure in.
You can do research in different ways. You could explore different articles on the internet of The Most Common Sexual Fantasies or Stories of the Weirdest Sexual Fetishes. You could also look at different types of porn as there is an unlimited amount of porn available on the internet, and within this, there is a wide array of fantasies and fetishes included.  The one thing to keep in mind when looking at porn is that you want to make sure you are not taking the sex you see in porn as reality. While the ideas of fantasies and fetishes can be informative to you, porn can also set unrealistic expectations for viewers related to things such as average penis size or breast size as well as how to please a woman. As long as you keep this in mind, porn can be a useful tool for exploring kinks and fetishes you never knew existed.
Even if you only find out what you are not interested in sexually, this research will still have proven to be informative.

Talk to People

Talking to your friends or people who you meet that are open about their sex lives can be another great source of information for you. The benefit to this as well is that it can give you a more realistic view of these things than you may be able to find on the internet.
You could begin by asking people about their sexual fantasies, or if they are aware of them at all. You can ask them also if they have shared these with their partners. By initiating a conversation like this, you can learn a lot about other people and their sexual fantasies or kinks.

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